I dragged my case out of the hotel, across the car park to the little white hire car with the red roof. The boot was too small to take my case so I heaved it onto the back seat.
My mind was made up. I’m quitting. I can’t be a leader or a Pastor, it’s too hard. I’d had enough.
After a busy, intense few weeks, I had finally decided I couldn’t take it anymore.
To add insult to injury, the morning had brought a catalogue of things not going to plan. I started the engine and the radio blared out:
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood.
She is strong. She is brave. She is undaunted. She is resilient.
No, she’s not actually.
Not all the time.
Sometimes she is afraid and feels hurt. Sometimes she is uncertain and feels helpless.
Minutes later as I sat in the little white car, at the Sainsbury’s petrol pump, tears streaming down my face, I knew I would pick myself up and keep going.
˜It isn’t in my blood”– the words repeated relentlessly around in my head. Often after seemingly unending pressure or stress, it’s the smallest thing that can tip us over into giving up.
But it isn’t in me to give up. In me is hope.
It’s in every one of us. In the core of our being, running through our veins. We are created as carriers of hope.
“We have this hope as an ANCHOR for the soul, firm and secure…” Hebrews 6:19
Your soul LONGS for an anchor, a safe haven, a peaceful resolve. Hope in Jesus brings this.
In the middle of a domino effect of events not working out, I didn’t have any great revelation on why bad things happen to people or why plans don’t work out how we’d like.
After a stressful few weeks, one day of minor obstacles, threatened to throw me off course. I did see however, that there is good right in the middle of chaos as in my moments of panic people came to my aid! And the hope in me brings a resilience and confidence that God continues to lead my life.
Tough days? Stress? Pressure? Success and nothing left to aim for? Do not lose hope. For every unknown, unplanned, unexpected scenario… there is goodness all around.
You’re going to make it!
P.s. @shawnmendes thanks for the raw HONESTY in the song. Yes someone can help. Good people are everywhere.
Siobhan, has been on the Senior Leadership team of Hope City Church for over 20 years. Having been key in raising many of the leaders now running locations around the world, she, alongside her husband Steve, is the Lead Pastor of Hope City Frankfurt and Hope City Darmstadt in Germany. She has three kids and hates tomatoes.